my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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