I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
