an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We just shotgunned beers for America
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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