my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
