I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
