My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
