My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize