You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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