when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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