My brain says no but my pants say off.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
