Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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