Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
