how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
