do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
