I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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