My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We don't watch enough power rangers
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
