There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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