hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
