I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
