drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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