as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
