You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize