and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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