Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
