I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
