I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
