We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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