i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
