i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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