He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
