She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
