I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
