you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
