wrigley field is MILF paradise
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
