it hurts more in the daytime
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
