I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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