i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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