My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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