we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
