I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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