wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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