Do you still have your period?
there's paper in my vomit.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
