i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
