Ambien. No doubt about it.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
