i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
