Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
