he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
