All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
