I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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