I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
