Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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