conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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