we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the day after is always just damage control
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
