Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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