2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In other news, I just burned my penis
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
