Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
