Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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