Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
