Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
that's an acceptable place to lick
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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