what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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