haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
too bad you live with your parents still
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
