I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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