We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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