she woke up with a sticky ear
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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