I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize