8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
PANTIES FOUND
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