You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
