We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
