I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
