1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
