I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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