Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
