Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
