I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
