If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
