I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
