He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
