I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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