the condom got lost in my hair
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
