miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
