My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize