I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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