I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
