All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
