im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
