The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize