We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
