Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
