I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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