Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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