he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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