i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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