We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
