This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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