just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
