I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
