Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
