no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
