so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You were trust falling into bushes
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
